


Not Enough

by maebyrutherford (maeberutherford)



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 07:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeberutherford/pseuds/maebyrutherford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: Cullen x Amell, Mourning.<br/>Cullen receives the news of Amell's sacrifice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Enough

It was evening at the circle tower when the messenger arrived, giddy with excitement. 

“Did you hear the news? The Archdemon was killed at Denerim! Isn’t that wonderful? This letter is from King Alistair himself.” He handed the correspondence to Knight-Commander Gregoire, received his tip and was gone. 

“I’ll take this in my office, but this is good news, indeed. Cullen, please fetch Irving, he’ll want to read this right away.”

“Yes, Knight-Commander.” Cullen’s heart lifted; she had done it. Amell had defeated the blight. He tried not to let himself get carried away; she was a Grey Warden now and had much bigger issues to deal with. And yet, some part of him held out hope that she would return to the circle once this mess was over, return to the younger mages she had been mentoring for so many years, return to him. 

When Irving joined Gregoire in his office, Cullen couldn’t help but notice he had left the door ajar. Andraste preserve him, he knew it wasn’t appropriate, but he stood near the door and listened all the same.

“Oh, no. It can’t be. So unfortunate. She was so young, so full of promise. Sacrificing herself for so many...”

Cullen felt the earth drop out from underneath him. She was. There was only one person Irving could be talking about, only one person that would cause his voice to crack in front of Gregoire. He stumbled away from the door until his back hit the wall, as if he could move away from the news and make it untrue. 

Amell. Was. His Solona. He slid down the wall and sat in a heap inside his armor, all of the pain and suffering he’d gone through with the abominations overtaking him. She had saved him from that hell. She had saved him from knowing a life without love, even if that love was brief. A world without her in it was unimaginable, wrong. 

There was just one time that he was able to touch her, to kiss her, to tell her how he felt, to hear “I love you, Cullen” fall from her lips, to feel her hands on him, to hold her before she’d left to join the Grey Wardens, and it wasn’t enough. Maker help him, he was greedy, and he didn’t care. He wanted more of her, and she was gone.

He wished he’d had more time to love her.

 

***

_Letter included with correspondence from King Alistair to Knight-Commander Gregoire_

My Dearest Cullen,

It pains me to write this letter, knowing that I will not see you again. Apparently come tomorrow I am to share the unavoidable fate of other Grey Wardens before me, and surprisingly, I have accepted this. I had hoped to return to the circle, but I suppose that no longer matters. With this deed, I can do the most good for the people.

I have never been good at expressing my feelings, but for you, I will try. I love you, I cannot remember not loving you, and I am sorry that I did not tell you as soon as I knew it. I wish we had more time, but when I charge into battle tomorrow, when I strike the demon with my sword, you will be with me until my last breath. Please keep me in your heart, even when you are old and married with lots of babies. And please, be happy. You are a good man, Cullen, you must never forget that. 

Goodbye, and I’ll love you always.

Solona


End file.
